Spotted Dick; Giant Eagle, Columbus OH

Spotted Dick is going for less than 60 cents per ounce. I wonder if No Spot Dick costs more or less? Do they charge more for the spots? Or are the spots some sort of defect they've priced into the product?

Porn chicken

Kroger; Grandview Heights OH

Kroger, you have some splainin' to do ...

Ummm, sort of speechless.

Monkey Butt

Walmart; Columbus OH

This product implies that having a monkey butt IS a problem.

My Dadz Nutz

Kroger; Columbus OH

I will soon be marketing the next great food item,"My Momz Bunionz."

Rattlesnake steaks

Giant Eagle Market District; Upper Arlington, OH

There is a new grocery store in Upper Arlington OH. It's "Market District" by Giant Eagle. It's the first Market District outside of the Pittsburgh area and only one of three (for now). Think Las Vegas + Disneyland = Over the top grocery store. This place has everything. It's loud. There are always these announcements over the loudspeaker. The international terminal at JFK Airport in NYC is sedate compared to this place.

If you go, be sure to check out the meat section. Elk. Yes. Wild boar. Sure, why not. Rattlesnake? Of course! Don't be silly - of course they have rattlesnake. For the ultra reasonable price of $29/pound, you can dine on the finest that the southwest deserts of the U.S. has to offer.

Button-Eyed Dolls

Unknown store; San Francisco, CA

A friend sent me this photo. This photo was taken in the Chinatown section of San Francisco, CA. I lived there for a few years a while ago and Chinatown in SF is excellent for hearing, smelling, and seeing weird stuff. This photo brings back warm memories.

I'm not sure what to make of these things. They are dolls. They have buttons for eyes.Two of them are wearing underwear. They all have bad teeth: one of them has braces, another looks like it got punched in the mouth by Mike Tyson, and a pair of them have vampire teeth. I'd like to think these dolls as some type of artistic statement about Janov's primal scream therapy - but I'm pretty sure it's simply someone finding some crap lying around the house, making them into dolls, and knowing that some dummy out there will buy one, if not all of them.

Potted Meat

Walmart; Columbus, OH

"Potted?"
"Plants."
"Good answer!"

"Potted?"
"Meat."
"Don't be stupid, you moron."

I beg to disagree. There is something out there called "potted meat." It has nothing to do with a potted plant. It's all about mechanically separated chicken, beef tripe, partially defatted cooked beef fatty tissue, beef hearts, water, partially defatted cooked pork fatty tissue, salt, and less than 2 percent: mustard, natural flavorings, dried garlic, dextrose, sodium erythorbate, and sodium nitrite.

"Yes, sir, may I have another?"

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